hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
