I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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