i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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