a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
