I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
