lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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