new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
