You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
MIDGETS
????
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
