Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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