So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
