We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
