i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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