Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
