Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
