Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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