i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
