can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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