dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
