I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
