Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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