Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
