If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
