I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
