just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
