i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
