he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The Olympian is in my bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
