I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
