I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
