I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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