I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found puke in my bra..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize