MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
