I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
