Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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