If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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