everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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