Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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