You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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