so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize