Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
