I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
there is puke in my bra ... again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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