captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
