The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
