Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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