How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
