I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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