You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
