oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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