Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
