I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
