even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
