bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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