Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
