I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
