no, he came in my armpit
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
