that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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