I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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