the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
