member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
