He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
