i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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