Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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