Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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