If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
