I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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