so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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