Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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