why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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