im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
