Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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