Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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