you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
