Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
