im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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