If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
